Breather

Deadlines. 

Frenzied typing. 

Fatigue. 

Compulsive.

Subway. 

Gaming. 

Island Creamery. 

Training. 

Rest. 

Cook-Outs. 

Lonely Nights.

Life.

Happiness? 

Perhaps.

Heal the world, make it a better place, for you and... ahh screw the world... and heal my #$% and make it a whole lot firmer :P

It has been approximately three days since my surgery and the wound's healing very nicely. No infection thus far and minimal discomfort, the doctors too concur that I am making remarkable progress. If only my life mirrored my recovery :).  

Dad left pretty early this morning, catching the morning flight to Brunei, his home away from home for the next three to four weeks to come. We had a nice dinner at the usual haunt BFD, the only difference is we tried the East Coast outlet instead. Dinner was excellent as usual with the addition of live band turning out tunes from Bon Jovi, Pink Floyd and the rest of the gang from the 70s to 90s. Mum didn't take too well to the outdoor dining without the usual zero degrees climate but the rest of us had great fun chilling out and just enjoying each other's company. 

"Hitting the wall" is the phrase used to describe athletes when they reach a point in their sporting career where they just can't go any further, perhaps due to excessive training or just sheer exhaustion at having do the same thing over and over again. "Burning out", the more popular terminology used in describing such phases, can too happen to just about anything else in one's life. I, on the other hand, have never done anything to such an extreme extent that warrants me burning and crashing out. I guess the only one time I could safely I say I got so sick of any activity was perhaps swimming, during my secondary school days.

I have never really blogged or mentioned about anything that happened during the earlier parts of my life and a great deal of misunderstandings and ill-feelings from the past still linger up till this very day. Firstly, I was never exceptionally good at swimming. Sure I may have got into a couple of finals here and there but I have never really excelled in it. I started swimming in primary three and continued right up till the end of my secondary school days. 

When I was in secondary one, a rather nasty incident happened between me and another swimmer during a particular training session. I guess that was where things started to spiral out of control. What hurt be deeply was not only the fact that I was accused of something so treacherous and something I really wasn't capable off but the fact that I was accused of such a deed by the parent of a very close friend. A friend who I hung out with, went to french classes with, trained with and so on and so forth. Nevertheless, as we were only 13 then, we tried to maintain the friendship to no avail. Things quickly turned sour and before long the issue blew way out of control. That incident changed me in so many ways. It definitely made me grow up a whole lot faster and it surely affected the way I dealt and interacted with people. This incident soon became the focal point of a lot of attention in the swimming scene back then and it soon defined the person I was and how others saw me. The conflict seared across all aspects of my life, seeping into my school life, extended family interactions so on and so forth. It was a long battle and after a long four year tussle, we were cleared off all misdeeds. At the end of it all, there wasn't that sense of victory which one would expect to feel after so long a battle but more a sense of relief and resignation. As with all other battles big or small, it isn't a victory that concludes any battle but the resignation of the side which has lost the most which ends a conflict. We didn't loose much expect a couple of restless nights, time and energy which could have been better spent on more constructive events over those four years. I can't say the same for the other side though. On hindsight, the question I always ask is, was it all worthwhile? Was there a need to spend so much resources in trying to bring the other party down? What was it that you wanted to achieve at the end of it all? What sick pleasure did you gain by it all? It has been almost 6 years now since the conclusion of that mini-drama in my life and still the questions linger, like a shadow refusing to fade away in the midst of the setting sun. It isn't a big world that we live in these days and if by chance should you ever chance upon this entry, I'd just like to say that given the chance I'd like to find out from your side what really happened... how did this all start... and perhaps if you knew my side of the story you'd than truly understand why there was little or no basis at all in yours in the first place... :) I guess this is how letting go feels... tired and aching fingers at the end of a long hacking session away at the keyboard:)

With that of my shoulder, I guess it's time to get back to my mindless gaming and regular lattes whilst I am at it. Till the next entry!

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.”

- Isaac Asimov

US science fiction novelist & scholar (1920 - 1992)

Weekend Exploits....

The last weekend proved to be a rather eventful and fruitful one. Its amazing how much one can achieve in such a short span of time with careful planning and intricate time management.

I spent the early part of Friday evening dancing at dance class before heading over to Isaac's place for movies and Ice-cream. I don't really like Disney movies but I must admit Ella Enchanted was pretty interesting. I was really expecting some waterworks from a particular individual but was disappointed once again. We'll try Bambi or Titanic next time, something slightly heavier.

My Sis and I spent Saturday morning touring the venues we shortlisted for my 21st Birthday. We had a few locations lined up initially but after having a look at the first one, my mind was more or less made up. With the venue 90 percent decided on, I guess its time to start the tedious planning process. So much to do in so little time.

After a quick lunch and "Booze" (Mango and green tea smoothie... really good!!!) We caught Elizabeth: The Golden Age. The storyline could have been more intricate and the characters further developed but other than that I have got no complaints. The cinematography was beautiful and the battle scenes rather spectacular. I'd strongly recommend the show to those who know how to appreciate good cinematography or have a zest for historical movies.

I tried out dragon boating for the first time officially on Sunday and I must say, it was rather exhausting. Despite having a rather good stamina and endurance level, the 2 hour session that Sunday afternoon left me totally spent. The main difference between dragon boating and all the other sports I have done so far is perhaps the team factor. I never have considered myself a team player. All the decisions made during my competitions (be it triathlons or sailing regattas) are solely made by me. The consequences of your actions will be borne solely by me and me alone. With a team, there is a new added pressure and obligation to the team and it is a new aspect of the sport I have to try and get used to.

"When faced with the darkest storms, most people will flee from it, a good many will seek shelter, hide and hope for the best. However some people will spread their wings and soar like the eagles. You can leave with my court Sir, but England will not cower and hide. I will not run and hide." quotation adapted from Elizabeth. I can't remember the exact quotation but it does have a similar effect and meaning to the one above. There were many other memorable quotes in the movie but I couldn't catch all of them... will list them all out as soon as I lay my hands on the DVD when released.

KM8 was up next on the to-do list for Sunday. After a rather uneventful lunch with the dragon boating crew, I headed to Tanjong beach for some R&R with Charles. The one worry I had was the looming clouds in the horizon and the high probability of showers near the southern parts of Singapore. I guessed that fear was laid to rest upon my arrival there. Mark and Charles spent the majority of the time playing volleyball on the beach while I spent mine lazing around with Hushka. Hushka's a beautiful 3 year old German Shepherd who's really loyal to Mark. When the two of them left to play volleyball, Hushka went a little crazy and started pining and prancing around. Her rather violent activities left me with scratches and fur all over. I hope the scratches aren't permanent. :(

After the beach outing, Charles and I headed over to Ben's place for dinner with Dom, Ken and Wei. His apartment faced the Pasir Panjang Ferry Terminal and the view of Bukom at night was simply breathtaking. Dinner was excellent with sumptuous dishes and excellent company. I thoroughly enjoyed myself that night and am looking forward to more gatherings to come. No pretense, no acting, no ulterior motives whatsoever, just good conversation over an excellent meal with great company.

As I lay on my bed last night awaiting sleep to overcome me, I couldn't help reminiscing about the day's events. Mark and Wei gave me really good advice during our conversations that day.

As I was jogging with Mark along the beach, he told me that I had time on my side. He briefly described his life so far and explained the various decisions he made which let him to where he is today. After Dinner, Wei too shared with me his inner thoughts and views on certain issues pertaining to self development and how everything one does will eventually contribute to where one will end up in future.

Mark and Wei are two individuals who I consider to be pioneers in what they do and an inspiration to me. I learnt a lot yesterday about the things I need to do and stuff I need to learn to be the individual I want to be in time to come. Being true to yourself and sticking by ones principles, diversification, all these lessons and advice are things you can't get from the classroom and lectures. My parents and friends have been really helpful as I try to find my path in the world. All I need now is the discipline and strength to see through these dreams and visions I have blossoming in my mind.

“The only place where success comes before work is a dictionary." - Vidal Sassoon

“
The key to realizing a dream is to focus not on success but significance - and then even the small steps and little victories along your path will take on greater meaning.” - Oprah Winfrey

sianz..

manage to get half day off... sipping tea and reading the papers... ah... what a life.... :) doing a bit of sats before I head out to the Upenn conference and dinner with friends.... :)