I have thought long and hard about the recent developments observed within my extended family (despite the growing mountain of work that's piling up on my desk) and I have come to realize that the best thing to do is to write about it. It is most unfortunate that the people that this article is directed at will most probably not read the post for what it is and there's a high probability that the blog post will probably end up getting lost in translation or totally misinterpreted but hey... that really isn't my problem right? Before we proceed to the main issue (or issues) at hand, I think its best I state my intentions and what I hope to achieve by publishing this post. Honestly... I hope it gets read by the right people in the right frame of mind, who's prepared to tackle the following issues in a mature and sensible manner. I believe that KNOWING and FULLY COMPREHENDING both sides to the story is the first step to resolving any conflict. All this talk about not needing/wanting to know about the other side... or not wanting to listen to what one of parties involved has to say prior to tackling the issue... just indicates how "serious" the mediator is on resolving the problem. Now with that out of the way... let me just slip in one more disclaimer. This is a blog post. It isn't a written assignment, an essay, nor is it a thesis paper. This is merely a note in which I am going to just write in as cohesive a manner as I possibly can about what I feel about what's going on around me (with respects to familial ties...)over the last few days. I will attempt to make this post as objective as possible though it is pretty darn obvious just what some of my prejudices are. (I will also be writing in ENGLISH... if you're not familiar with the sentence structure or vocabulary used... consult a dictionary OR a thesaurus [use the dictionary to find out what a thesaurus is...]. It doesn't matter if you're uneducated or possess a Masters in whatever-it-is-you-studied-in-uni...)
First and foremost, everyone needs to come to a decision on one fundamental issue. That would be just how much does this extended family mean to them. If everybody is in it just for the money or some other form of personal gain, than we needn't proceed further with the resolution process. However, if these familial ties aren't just about self gratification or some other menial, outstanding vendetta that needs to be shoved into each other's face then I'd say we're on the right track. Now assuming that everybody now is on the same page I am... we shall continue...
We will attempt to resolve this conflict from the base unit up. Beginning with the individual, followed by the respective family unit then the different generational tiers and lastly the whole family (from the Grandparents to the kids...) as a single entity.
The Individual
Its important to realize that everyone is different. Some are born arseholes, others grow to become arseholes :) Regardless, everyone has the right to be different. However, that right to be different has its limits. Acknowledging the fact that we are of Asian descent and hold strongly (or so we believe...) to our Asian roots, there are certain traditions/ practices that we still should (as I believe...)... these would include... filial piety, respect for elders, humility etc. For example, one should not curse or use expletives on ones parents on the internet. One shouldn't scream at an elder over the phone or say... wrestle with an aunt in public.... When giving out red packets, one shouldn't start behaving like an absolute retard by obnoxiously prancing around and declaring to the whole world that she wasn't stinging on red packets... One shouldn't smash a cup in another's face during Chinese New Year etc... the list goes on... and on... and on... Now, from the individual's perspective, if he or she could have better control over his or her actions/words (REGARDLESS of one's level of education or upbringing, though I must recognize that for some, the lack of an education AND a proper upbringing seems to be an achievement and excuse for every stupid action or gibberish said) there will without a doubt be much less conflict present.
The Family Unit
The family unit, as recognized by MM Lee and Confucius, is the most important unit in society. More so than the individual too if I might add. I will redefine the family unit as one which comprises a man, his wife (not the one who files documents for you at work nor the one who receives you when you arrive at some random Chinese airport... we're talking about the one the MAN swore and oath too... for better or for worse till death do them part) and their issue. Any conflicts within the family unit... gets settled within that family unit. External assistance is always welcome if it facilitates in resolving the conflict and adheres to the 1st rule of thumb stated above (comprehending and understanding both sides of the story and possessing a genuine interest in resolving the conflict in a fair and just manner). However, sadly unbiased assistance doesn't come by that often and in MOST cases, external interference seems to be a more appropriate term to use. Anything or anyone that threatens the stability of the singular family unit should be viewed as a pain in the arse and dealt with appropriately. (Brawling about it could be seen as a way of dealing with the situation appropriately but I would much rather recommend an open discussion or worse comes to worse... the cold shoulder.)
However, this trend of thought presents itself with a number of complications (Most of which can be easily resolved). Some family units believe that with seniority and a bit of cash, they have the right to superiority over the other branches of the family tree. This argument, sadly, is quite flawed. It is important to understand that each family unit is its own authority. The unit creates its own problems... the unit solves its own problems. When one unit goes renegade and starts antagonizing another unit within the same entity, both units become involved not just a the women, or the man of the unit. It is only by reaching a consensus between both entire units can the matter be considered resolved.
The Generational Tier
The younger generation should not interfere with the issues plaguing the older generation, unless that issues critically affects how the base unit (family unit, which involves both the older and the younger generation) in a negative way. The older generation should also be mature enough to keep their quarrels and arguments to themselves. Again, the lack of a decent education NOR a proper upbringing should be an excuse for failing to abide by the above.
The Family as an Entity
Assuming that everyone still believes that familial ties are sacred. Everyone should have the happiness of the family as his or her main objective. Sometimes that happiness can only be achieved with a little bit of compromise and a great dose of humility.
With the mantra-bit out of the way, I think I should write a bit about my sentiments. I always believe that blood runs thicker than water and it is without a doubt that theses familial ties do mean a lot to me. However, having said that, there is one thing that I will rank above the preservation of those familial ties and that would be the well being of my own family unit. I will and do not tolerate any form of prejudice against any member of my family unit. The hypocrisy and double standards which are strongly prevalent in the große familie will rip the family to bits unless its members are enlightened enough to recognize that their own selfish, petty agendas are standing in the way of what could be a blessed, joyous and loving family.
5 comments:
hey dude.. dont you think blogging about your family issues is a tad childish since you are blogging for matured and sensible readers?
If a blessed, joyous and loving family is what you seek, maybe you should first reflect on yourself and make that impressionable change before you question others...
haha the long awaited reply :) There are two parts to your reply which needs addressing. Firstly.. I believe my blog isn't targeted at anyone in particular. Unlike some of my other relatives, all or most of my entries (esp. those involving my relatives) do not list names, dates or places. My extended family has always been rather confrontational in nature and it seemed to me that the best way to get a point across was to write on an open domain and hope that someone or somebody might read it and respond. It is sad indeed that a frank and open dialogue behind closed doors, which I would much rather prefer, doesn't seem to be a viable option anymore when it comes to resolving domestic conflict. On the contrary, I believe that writing openly about one's personal problems in as objective a way as possible requires a great deal of maturity which I try (as mentioned in the blog, I do have my prejudices) to keep in my posts as much as possible. Having that been said, one must understand that the internet is an open domain and everyone and anyone is entitled to his or her personal opinion.
With regards to making that "impressionable" change, I believe that change must be effected from all parties concern. As a member of the younger generation (within my family tree that is), I realized that what my generation can do is honestly very limited. The decision making process in the family doesn't reside within my jurisdiction and regardless of what I do or say, the most effective change can only be made my the more senior members of my family. I do hope that in time to come, with more experience and maturity, I will be able to equip myself with the necessary skills needed to effect that positive change that I want to see within my family (if its possible at all)
On a side note, a number of my relatives have already contacted me with regards to the blog post and I must say that the feedback thus far has been rather encouraging :) Your last statement seems to suggest that we might be acquainted in one way or another. Pardon the streak of bitchiness that is about to surface here but I do not understand what you mean by an impressionable change. As mentioned in paragraph one, the dictionary is a very useful tool. Do use it to check just exactly what the meaning of impressionable is. Only god knows what you were thinking when you wrote that last statement. Thank god however, that you were anonymous, at least that spares you the embarrassment of being the laughing stock of the rest of matured and sensible readers on my blog.
Thanks for your feedback and have a joyous and prosperous new year :)
Hahaha wat childish behavior...
Eh?? Don't mean to be offensive but are you gay? Your entries sounds so feminine.
Well it doesn't take much to deduce from whom the anonymous comments are coming from. It's a good thing that both of you stick to one or two sentences max in your replies... honestly I must commend you on that... it reduces the probability of making a simple, or what some might consider a stupid, grammatical or logical mistake again. I can't really tell from your replies if you actually understood what I wrote in both my blog entry or in my previous reply. If that is honestly the best you can come out with.... well there's really nothing much I can say about it.
It is very obvious, from the feeble attempts at what some might consider a "retort", that my entry and comments are irking the hell out of you. I most certainly do not take offense to your claims of being a homosexual for it seems that the only qualifying point to be considered a homosexual here is to write in a feminine manner. I beseech you to enlighten me on just what qualifies as feminine writing? Moshe Koppel, an author who conducted some serious research into this, hypothesized that women are more comfortable talking or thinking about people and relationships, while men prefer to contemplate things. Bearing that in mind, I think that makes the content of this particular entry slightly inclined to what a women might write but it barely provides any insight into my sexuality.
Perhaps you would like to critique on one or two of the more substantial points that I brought up in post... perhaps the cup smashing incident which jinxed the cup's smasher's family right till this day?
:)
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