Questions.

The job hunt hasn't been going exactly as planned and it's times like these when one starts to doubt one's capabilities and self worth. As I stand idly by and watch as my friends get one offer after the other... I find myself asking time and time again... "What happened?" It's wasn't too long ago when I stood at the precipice of teenage-hood-dom (or whatever you call it...), with that sense of invulnerability... believing that there was nothing that could get me down. 5 years later, here I am lost... pretty much undecided and clueless about where I am and what my role in this universe is. Every "thank you for your interest but unfortunately you're not the best match" letter only serves to reaffirm the sad state of my life. Having said that, I've decided to start writing again. I started this blog 5 years ago when I was still serving my nation. Maybe through here, I will find some clue about what to do next. 

Thoughts

Someone told me a really long time ago, the best stories told are those laden with emotions. I am upset with my life so far. I am unhappy with the choices I have made and the predicament I am in. I worry every day that with each tick of the clock, the further I am from my goal in life. I try so hard to make everything look alright on the outside but I think the shell's starting to crack, and the polished paintwork is starting to come apart. I have done a good job with the design and architecture but I simply lack the materials to build that dream house. I thought I was strong, till I looked in the mirror and saw me in pieces. So many opportunities were given but i snubbed every single one of them. I don't want to be the me I see in the mirror years from now. A broken compass is what I am. Foundering and aimless. I wished I'd done things differently. I really do. 

"I see u going down that road... you're heading for deep shit and you know it. Look at you now, you have nothing to your name and yet you remain so stubborn... I put in so much time and energy into you... I hope you have a goal... You'd better have a goal." 

- Anonymous