New Mottos:)
As I disembarked this morning and made my way out of the airport, I realized that I was stepping out of a rather blissful, almost fantasy-ish week, back into a cruel harsh reality. The fact that I have a final paper in 5 days has somewhat set in and I decided that since I can't seem to fall asleep this morning... I'll just jump straight into the thick of things. I have finished unpacking all my luggage lest the bike and have started my first set of laundry, which should be done in an hour and 25 minutes time. I didn't really eat much in the states but I admit I did embark on some serious shopping in... all the wrong places. Bearing in mind that I only had a couple of days (2 full days to be exact) in Orlando... I did purchase some necessities in Universal and along International Drive, where I stayed. I did some accounting and I realized I did succeed in burning a somewhat sizable hole in my pocket. Some of the items contributing to that damage include:
- Ironman Memorabilia from Clearwater
- A pair of Oakleys from Universal (Sorry ZY they don't make the pair you want anymore...)
- A dead shark pup soaking in formaldehyde
- Sweets and pastries from Tokyo
- 6 starbucks mugs from all the cities I was in and a tumbler
- UMich Shirts
- Spray-painted shirt from Florida
The most unique of all those gifts being the dead shark... which I think is freaking awesome. I now officially have the coolest paperweight in Singapore.
The shark soaking in the bottle above, which now sits on my desk, is a dead Spiny Dogfish Shark Pup. Its a vulnerable species that isn't found in waters around South East Asia... this information being snatched off some random marine biology site on sharks. I also successfully brought back about 500 ml of sand from Clearwater beach. This time however I was smart enough to dump it in my bike bag instead of my haversack.
The trip was thoroughly enjoyable and I really enjoyed just roaming around. I had a little misadventure in Tampa (which I will write about soon enough) and I almost missed my flight out of Orlando into Michigan (which I will too write about...) but I guess thats what makes the whole trip such a wonderful experience.
As most of you who do read my blog post would know... I went ballistic on a couple of my team-mates online just after my race. I think its about time I start explaining my outburst from my point of view.
I didn't have a good race. Did I expect an excellent time from this race? No, I didn't. I hadn't ridden much and I sure as hell have not been running. The only activity I did somewhat frequently was swimming and even that wasn't as regular as I had wanted it to be. I didn't expect much but I was hoping to come in at least under 5 hours and 45 minutes. That was the goal and I guess that was pretty much the expectation I had. Prior to my departure, many of my team-mates joked about me being pudgy and slack and so on and so forth which I took pretty much in my stride. Was I conscious of the jokes and the comments being made? Yeah, who wouldn't? The next question then one would pose to me will be... if you were why not do something about it?
After the ironman race in Switzerland, I kinda lost interest in biking and running and all that jazz. My legs didn't feel the same straight after, My ITBs kept acting up blah blah blah... I just lost the strength and willpower to get back on my bike and shoes. No I wasn't dying and seriously sick nor was I incapacitated in anyway but... I just didn't wanna start so soon. Yes I qualified for Clearwater because the slot rolled down to me, past Joshua and a couple of other individuals, I will acknowledge that.
At that juncture in time, I did intend on training really hard for the race and putting in a good timing but I guess things happened along the way which resulted in me loosing track of that goal. I was rather edgy before the race and I was very much aware of the fact that I was not as prepared as I would have liked to be for the race.
Now the next "trait" about me is, as much as I love to joke and have a good laugh, I know when to stop and when to shut up. Call it good EQ whatever... I know my limits. I know when a joke has gone too far and I know when its time to just walk away.
The signs were there. My unhappiness over Jon's earlier comments on his FB status, JJ's comments, ZY's comments, Ben's comments in the pool etc... so on and so forth. Perhaps I should have been more explicit and maybe it was unfair of me to have such expectations. As observed, Jon and Josh felt that I should have just gone up and told them straight to their faces about how I felt whereas I on the other hand felt that as friends they should have known better. I never saw it from that point of view.
Josh's comment on the thread was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think it was obvious from the results that Ashley had clocked in a better time than me. Was it really necessary to spell it out so explicitly like that? I don't think so. Its the rider not the equipment, thats a statement that I subscribe to but to have it thrown back in your face when you already know you botched up? It sucks. Was I hurt? Yes. Was I upset? Sure as hell. If I were back in Singapore, I would have gone to the pool the next day and beat the crap out of you. Friend or no Friend. Friendship is about mutual respect and if you've noticed... as an athlete I have never made such a tactless comment on anyone of your sporting performance's before. I believe, if you're going to make a criticism, make it a constructive one not a demoralizing one which was all I read in those comments. (With the exception of Lemin, thanks for your message)
I went ballistic. I wrote the message, grabbed my running shoes and went for a run by myself. When I got back, I saw Jon's message and "puff" I was worked up all over again. Angry words are probably the most honest words and exactly how I felt that day was pretty much captured in my entries on that thread. Whatever I write... I won't delete cause if you have the guts to write it, jolly well have the guts to leave it up. Again... just my sentiments. Whatever you write on the internet... its public...
Jon brought up something which I would like to elaborate further here "the act of turning against your own friends". Was there a betrayal of some sorts here? You guys made a joke at my expense which went too far, I blew up said somethings which I hoped hurt each of you personally... what betrayal was there? None to my knowledge. I got pissed and I expressed exactly how I felt on the thread. Period. Would I have treated an outsider the same way? I don't think so. He probably won't know what hit him till he's 6 feet under. So please... spare me the "You betrayed me and I betrayed you talk" as far as I am concerned... You said the wrong thing at the wrong time and I blew up. Did I over-react? Well the last time my good friend pissed me off, I threw him down two flights of stairs... so... I don't think this is an over-reaction of sorts. I lost my temper. If overseas calls were any cheaper I would have called you and screamed my head off. Unfortunately, you don't have skype and I don't have money to make those calls.
So back to whether we look at each other in the same way ever again. No we wouldn't because now we'll have a clearer picture just how we as individuals operate. I won't be the happy-go-lucky, take any type of jokes person in your eyes anymore and you won't be the sensitive neighbour to me anymore. Is it a good thing? I would like to think so. This is how we get to know each other better I guess...
Am I embarrassed by my outburst? No I ain't. Do I regret reacting in such a manner? Perhaps. If circumstances had been different I might have reacted differently. If I wasn't feeling so shitty about my timing... I might have been able to laugh it off. Am I going to feel any different about you now? I don't think so. An outburst is an outburst. I most probably felt like running you over with my car when I typed my replies but I highly doubt I will do that when the time comes. I apologize for my choice of words and comments on an otherwise bimbo-tic and peaceful thread. I bear no ill-feelings towards anyone here and I hope you all won't too. [Repost from FB]
PS: I had an epiphany on the plane. :)
