Ramblings

A hundred and eighty degree turn around. Some call it changing for the better, others may call it self denial. I'd like to think of it as a journey of self discovery, or perhaps a evolution in character. Some people weed themselves of it slowly, a gradual reduction till they have cleansed themselves of their addiction. Others, like me, rather a single clear break... again, to each its own. You can't live life running backwards so my policy of "not looking back and no regrets" has till date served me well. I guess it is alright to feel upset at times but to regret an action which cannot be undone is seriously detrimental to oneself. A pity I always learn things the hard way... 

I found these two quotes and I think that they'll make a splendid yet meaningful end to this entry. The second quote is from LOTR: The Two Towers, something Samwise Gamgee said to Frodo Baggins as they trekked to Mordor.  

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in.” 

- Katherine Mansfield (1888-1923)

"I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered, full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going, because they were holding on to something."

- Samwise Gamgee

LOTR: The Two Towers

Friday the 25th

Dad should be touching down in a couple of hours time, which is good I guess. Time is really flying by me and it seems like I ain't getting much done. I have pretty much fallen off the grid and in some peculiar way I am pretty pleased about it. Perhaps I ain't cut out that much to be that "social, partying animal" I always envisioned myself to be. Did I miss much, maybe yes but most likely not. Walking the dog, reading the papers, chilling at home and catching up with my reading are just some of the activities which have been occupying my time these days. I would have spent more time doing training activities for my triathlon however my current physical state simply doesn't permit me to do so with the fervor I had in mind. It is inevitable that I go under the knife, but I guess sooner is better than later.  Anyway... on a lighter note... Its been great catching up with M. We should aim for coffee one more time... before u're wisked off to Neverland :) Can't wait for Ironman next week... the trailer left me hungry for more...

Found these two quotations before... Short yet oh-so-true...  enjoy :)

“A contented mind is the best source for trouble.” 

- Titus Maccius Plautus (254 BC - 184 BC)

“It is right to be contented with what we have, never with what we are.” 

- Sir James MacKintosh

I got lazy once... and once is more than enough. I am happy where I am now but I seek to be happier where I will be in the future. "Hold the course, Jason, its all about holding the course." a teacher once told me, and that is what I shall do. As steady as a rock, I will steer myself into better times to come.

PS : Does anyone know where I can grab Knights of the Old Republic (KOTOR) for MAC??

Article

I read an article today which really made me sit back and think twice about the senselessness of our current reality and the things people do without thinking. I do agree with the large number of netizens that this story deserves a significantly larger media courage. I have attached the links to the CNN article and the Wikipedia below, do have a look. 

CNN site - http://edition.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/02/13/boy.shot/index.html?
Wiki site - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E.O._Green_School_shooting

It is obvious at first read that there has not been much media coverage about the incident and most of the information is being obtained through secondary sources such as Lawrence's memorial website. Lawrence came out publicly and after declaring his interest in a fellow student was shot dead by the same individual later in the school's computer lab. It pains me to realize that such tragedies can and do occur whilst we remain blissfully unaware of it cause it just didn't matter. I believe that this incident highlights not only the prejudice against GBLT but too the numerous short-comings and failings in the value-system of our youth today. The fact that a 15 year old was shot in his school is jarring enough, but to be shot by another 14 year-old? What led that kid to decide that taking the life of the other was the only option? What went through his mind before he decided to pick up the gun and commit that act? Was there anyway this could have been avoided? Was Lawrence to be blamed to in anyway? Lawrence isn't the first victim of violence and he wouldn't be the last. Education and Enlightenment is the only key to solving this mindless violence in our society, as cliche as that sounds. Perhaps all we need to do is just to stop judging and stop minding about the little things which don't really matter in the end. Perhaps...

Reflections on an idle week

Its my second week doing nothing and I must admit its been simply WONDERFUL. No deadlines to meet, no schedules to follow, no pressure in anyway whatsoever. Nothing beats waking up to the rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee and the gentle nudging of my dog at 9 am in the morning... well nothing I can think of now that is. After reading the morning papers, its off to the gym for  good morning breakfast before a nice good lunch. The rest of the day is spent reading and I usually end the day with a run or swim before dinner. :) 

I must say that despite the sheer blissful state I am in, I do in some way realize that I am too in a terrible state of neglect. But I guess... it isn't much of an issue to me. Ha!

Some updates on the other aspects of my life that do matter. I did manage to get into the US universities... kudos to me for that... and in Australia... kudos to me again... However, after some serious discussion with my parents and other relatives... I decided that I will pursue my tertiary education locally. I do not know for sure exactly what I want to do with my life yet... and I ain't too sure about what to expect in time to come either but I guess that's the joy in life right? What fun is there if the path is lit all the way to the end of the park?

“Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember.” 

- Oscar Levant (1906 - 1972)

I wished I had understood the above quote 4 years ago. Oh well... 

Random Pictures

Thought I'd try uploading some pictures here. The whole process of selecting and uploading is rather tedious hence my absolute lack of pictures on the blog, at least for the most of it. Anyway I found a couple of these pics in some random folder. Do forgive the randomness of it all, I am jobless and terribly bored. 

Pictures:

"Sky of Love"- better than a single miserable jet stream I guess

I think I was the only kid that day who got this close to a fawn, still traumatic though

Family Potrait :P

He was getting a bit pissed off with the randomness of me posing him for shots

Midnight Ramblings

Thought I'd just leave something here before I call it a night. Thanks Christian for explaining everything in an extremely clear and concise manner, I think it really helped. I don't think I am ready yet and I ain't sure if I ever will be but I guess only time will tell. And to you, if you do still come here, I enjoyed it thoroughly. It wasn't as sublime as I think you wanted it to be but than again, I think the whole point was to get the message across yar? Cherish the fundementals for they do mean something in some way, And to the radioman, do you believe that all things happen for a reason. Somewhere, somehow, everything is connected. The rain has gone and the rainbow has faded off. Did you find that pot of goal? Are there better things to do than prancing and pacing about in the rain waiting for that pot of goal? I don't think you should take up the offer. You're better than that :)

Reflections

Its Friday all over again and the 4th day since I ended my internship. Life's been pretty good so far to me and I really do cherish the absence of datelines and the rush of the day to day life of a corporate intern. I have done a lot of thinking and I am glad that I have finally thought through some of the worries I have had over the past few months. It seems that with greater freedom comes a slightly better peace of mind, and with that a certain improvement in the fog of life which surrounds us as we bustle about everyday. Some people have mentioned to me previously that it was the absence of faith which has resulted in the path I am on today, others blame it on the distractions the last two years has brought me. I spent the last three years looking for the answer and all too suddenly it came to me as I was listening to "Smoky Mountain Memories" and sipping tea yesterday afternoon.

I believe that acknowledgement of one's mistakes and recognizing and accepting it is the first step to redemption. Loosing the captainship of my JC's sailing team 4 years ago marked the start of the long spiraling journey down. One thing let to another and all too soon I lost myself in that downward spiral in the sea of self-pity and self-loathe. It started to eat into me and I began to loose focus on the things that really mattered. My A' level grades was just one of the many things I ruined along the long way down. The journey to the bottom is long but the speed at which one travels down surely ensures that the journey doesn't take too long. Many people don't realize that they're rolling down till they hear the crashing sound when they hit the bottom. I was lucky. The path I took wasn't exactly a smooth slope and there were numerous obstacles on my way down, called friends and family. :) And through them, I realized the path I was taking and snapped out of it before I dropped further. 

I have done a great many things I regret deeply but I guess as someone once said, "Its all part of my learning journey". Things are looking better now in so many ways and I am glad I found that ray of light at the end of the long dark tunnel. 

The sparrow flies

Off off and away the sparrow flies

To warmer lands, far away they lie

the fun times a memory he'll always cherish

Best be forgotten, lest he cries

Will April be any better?

My internship with IBM ended on the 31st of March. The journey was an eye-opener for me in many ways. The long hours glued to the desk did get to me at times but the people around me, including the managers have been really encouraging and supportive in so many ways. The end of this internship marks the start of a much needed break for me. Yesterday was my first day without work and I must say, the morning coffee and bread certainly tasted better. I did manage to sit down and think through my life and the stuff I have accomplished and I have come to realized that my life as a whole has stagnated since the end of secondary school. I got way to caught up in the stuff that didn't matter and I guess that snowballed and ended up ruining all the beautiful plans I had. I was pretty upset over it but I guess crying over spilled milk isn't going to help much. Everybody needs a sob story to tell when they're successful in the future and I hope mine ends here. I did share some of my grievances with close friends and relatives out there. The faith and believe you all have in me is remarkable and is something I will feed upon as I go along. Thanks for the encouragement for it really means a lot. 

Journey

The darkest storms will come to fade

The strongest winds will cease to blow

The fiercest fires will soon die out

The darkest nights will too light up

The journey till now has been bleak

Not a watering hole crossed thus far

Not an oasis even in sight

My throat is dry 

My legs are weak

My strength too dips with each step I take

A cool breeze blows amidst the searing heat

Upon it I hear the words you speak

Never falter, Hold your course

The darkest storms will come to fade

The strongest winds will cease to blow

The fiercest fires will soon die out

The darkest nights will too light up 

Your words though simple are all I need

For me to push on till I find what I seek

-Jason Yip