Man in the Mirror: Goodbye Old Friend

When Sumo was diagnosed with Brain Tumors about 2 weeks ago, I started a blog with the intention of chronicling his last days with us. Unfortunately, the site which hosts the blog crashed and the blog kinda got wiped out. Sadly, Sumo didn't last past the 9th day and left us on the 17th of May 2009. It’s been 6 days since Sumo passed on. The last couple of days have been quite the emotional roller coaster ride for my family and I. In just nine short days, we saw what was, on the surface anyway, a loved one succumb to a crippling disease and pass on. This wasn’t my first encounter with brain tumors and cancer. My tuition teacher, who tutored me from K1 to Secondary 3, suffered from brain cancer too and passed on shortly after being diagnosed with cancer. It seemed Sumo had, by some cruel twist of fate suffered a similar end. I’ve been meaning to write a short entry about his passing but the last 2 days was packed and I didn’t really have much time to write much about it.

Sumo resting 4 days before his passing

Following his seizures on the 13^th of May, we were told by the veterinary surgeon that the following 48 hours would be a good indicator if he would pull through. If he pulled through the next 48 hours without any medical emergencies or seizures, there would be a high chance that he might be able to get through a couple more weeks or even months. My family, my dad especially, watched him like a hawk over the next 48 hours which passed, thankfully, without any incident.

Mum and Dad attending to Sumo

On the 16^th of May, we brought Sumo in for what we hope would be the first of his many routine check ups. Nothing seemed amiss and the vet was very happy with the physical condition he was in. The analysis of his MRI from the Veterinary Clinic in Australia seemed rather vague about what he was suffering from and in short, was inconclusive as to the cause of his cancer. However, there was no doubt that he was suffering from multiple tumors in the head which affected his neurological functions. How those tumors came about… I guess we'll never know. We had Sumo's IV needle removed and left soon after paying the bills. We brought Sumo to the small patch of grass outside the carpark and watched happily on as he walked and sniffed around almost as if nothing was wrong. After returning home, my dad went to sleep and I was left to watch him for a short while. During my watch, Sumo got up twice and I carried him out to the little grass patch across the road for him to relieve himself. Even in such sickeness, Sumo made a conscious effort to alert us as to when he needed to relieve himself so that we could take him out. Once outside however, Sumo would walk and look up frequently at me in a daze as if he couldn’t remember what to do next.

During the night, I checked on Sumo twice and both times I found him fast asleep in the corner of his cage. However, at about 6 am in the morning, it became apparent that his condition was worsening significantly and as he started to loosing control of his bowel movements. Maria and my dad cleaned him up and then my dad took him out for what would be his last walk, cradling him in his arms. It became apparent that his condition was continuing to worsen. My dad rushed back into the house and brought him up to the second floor. He woke my mum up, who in turn rushed to wake us up. We rushed out and gathered around him. It was very evident then that the time to say goodbye had finally arrived. We whispered our final goodbyes and as my mum, the last amongst the 4 of us to do so, bent down to kiss him goodbye on his head, he let out a loud sigh and took his last breath.

Sumo lying down after dinner

Regardless of what anyone says about saying goodbye, and how time will heal all wounds, it simply isn’t as easy as it looks. After hearing about the tumors and all on Mother's day, not to mention those seizures and near misses throughout the nine days that followed, I made an effort to prepare myself mentally for that fateful day. However, when it finally came, regardless of how ready I thought I was, I couldn’t bring myself to actually say goodbye. Though I managed to compose myself and all, I broke down pretty badly when the time came to finally let him go. The only consolation I had then was that he wasn't in pain anymore. He was in quite a bit of discomfort and in death he seemed to be at peace. It seemed almost as if he had drifted into a deep slumber, just like he used to do in my bedroom and appeared as if he would awake any time.

Sumo, my Sis and I on my 23rd Birthday

Sumo's time with us wasn't very long, but in those 10 years... My family and I have learnt so much more about ourselves and about life in general from him. Its amazing how Sumo, a mere mutt, thought us so much about responsibility, unconditional love, loyalty and eventually death. Truth be told, words don't do justice to how I felt and am feeling for Sumo. Every time I see a pooch trotting down the street here in Berlin, memories of the good times Sumo and I had together come flooding back in. I am going to miss him so very much :)