Today's entry was not written by me. Well not entirely anyway. After a terribly late supper last night at "the land of oil, lard and simple carbs", Nicolas decided to pen down his reflections on the rather meaningful conversation we had about school, life and basically about the choices we make today and its impact on us tomorrow. Prior to this supper session, I had the great fortune of dining with some of the people that I can only dream of being in time to come. With that, I have come to realize that life isn't about hitting the top of the bell curve in school in every single assessment nor is it about accumulating massive amounts of wealth before kicking the bucket. Perhaps its all about being who you really are and being the best you can ever be. Its about making your own road and leading your life to your fullest not for anyone but yourself. Words don't do justice to the sentiments we felt as we sipped our "tea-ping" along Pasir Panjang Road at 2.30 am in the morning but Nicolas certainly did a mighty fine job in capturing the essence of it all.
I am a person who likes to reflect on things. And after our supper, this was the result of my reflection. Its just to share. so... yup! See ya all in the morning!
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It is 2:45am now. I just came back from a nice drink with Jason and Jia Jie. It was the best cup of Teh Tarik I have ever had. We talked about many things. It began with triathlon and the aquathlon team. Then we shared stories of our past sporting experience. Eventually we came down to school life. Without joining the biathlon, my school life would be meaningless. I am interested in food science, and I take modules that I am truly interested in. But I hate the mentality that everyone has, that we must get an A. Everyone is gunning for that A. Everyone is mugging and doing everything they can for it. I would like an A. It would be a reflection of the effort I put in. It would be nice. But even if I put in effort, there is always a chance that something might happen and I do not get that result. Shit happens, thats life. I can accept that.
But I absolutely detest it when I am surrounded by people who wants that A at all cost. Its all about the A, its not about doing what we want to, its about doing what is easiest to get that A. Its not learning, its memorising and regurgitating to get that A. There is no meaning in the act, because when I get that A, I can cling on to it and show the world that this justified everything. And when I get that first class honours, I can hang and frame up that certificate and tell the world. "Hey, look at what I've got. Everything I did was for this. All that sacrifices and now I have this certificate."
"Even if you win the rat race, you are still a rat."
It is interesting to note here Jia Jie pointing out that CEOs and the big bosses are not people with great grades. And Jason added that it is all the people with nicely framed 1st class honours certificates who stayed up late and rushed their work. And they will call their boss at 10pm and they will get the reply "can you do it tomorrow?" -slam. I admit, this may not be the case in every single company. But I will place my money on the fact that people up there are not those who furiously copy notes and spend 10 hours doing a lap report for 2 points of their final grades. They are people who have that something else. Networking skills? Flair? All I can say is, they are not people with those dead zombie eyes.
I cannot do that. I cannot tell myself "I am going to sacrifice this time now to get a good degree and start doing what I really want to do after that." Because it will just go on and on, and I will hold my dreams back to save up for a house, a car, and to watch the kids grow up and then I will be dead. I will be dead before even living.
I always look forward to trainings. Because there is when I am with people who train for a cause. We all have our own goals and own reason for donning the tri-suit, tuning the bike, hitting the pool and pounding the pavements. My reason is simply because doing it is makes me feel alive. It is something I find meaning in. Christians go to church, Buddhists pray in temples and I swim-run-bike. Its just that.
Jia Jie, Jason and myself. As Jason said, we will all probably be better off overseas. Where there is more emphasis on sports and people spend their 21 smoking majiana and pot while writing their assignments and drawing smiley faces on their exam papers. Ok, thats not something I will do, but such a concept is just totally unheard off in Singapore.
I want to live the life the way I choose. Here we are, in the middle of the pack. I am imagining being among a huge crowd and we are going to start a marathon. I am rubbing shoulders with those beside me. The horn sounds and people move forward. What can I do?
I am pushed along forward, after a while i start jogging, not knowing why. You know, the whole world can be doing something and they can be wrong. And the hardest thing to do is to believe in oneself have faith in our own action.
"What will you do when the race is run? Turn your golden faces into the sun?"
The greatest thing I discovered today is that I have two more comrades fighting by my side. We fight for what we believe in, or at least we try very hard to. Namaste my friends.
At the end of the day, there will be no cheers, no celebration, no fireworks. The world will carry on and everyone will run by. I will stand on the empty road and watch the sunset. Should I run or should I not. As long as I am choosing the life I choose, it doesn't really matter. The sunset is beautiful, enjoy. There is no victory dance, no one to pat me on the back, no one to say you did the right thing. No one, except my truest friends, will smile in affirmation of that choice.
After writing this, I seached online for that scene after Harold Abraham won the 100m sprint in the 1924 olympics. But I could not find it. From memory, it showed him sitting in the bar with his coach Sam Mussabini. And Sam Mussabine said something like "Today, you and I have achieved something great, but everyone just goes about their damn lives. For us, today is our night! Your and mine!"
The last thing I want to write about is what Jason mentioned happened at the Kona 2008 Ironman. Chrissie Wellington was leading in the cycling leg when she had a flat. Her attempts to fix it failed. Rebekah Keat cycled by and gave her a CO2 cartridge. At that point, she must have did it knowing that she was giving away her gold medal.
Cheerios
Nicolas
Thanks Nicolas for these short yet powerful words. Time to stop existing and start living.
