Last Entry of the Year

And just like that, it comes to an end. The coming of 2010 in approximately 10 hours time will not only mark the end of 2009, a terrible year, academically, for me nonetheless, but also come to symbolize the passing of a decade. Its hard to believe that just 10 years ago, without Sumo or this lappy to keep me company, I was getting all excited as I marked the end of a good 1999. Excellent PSLE grades, entry into RI... the sky seemed like the limit then and I was invincible. As the years went by, I got lazy and stopped working hard to bring myself to new limits and reality... through gravity... sent me crashing back down to earth. So here I stand, somewhat battered and bruised, my ego shattered upon the dusty floor, looking skywards where my mates are now soaring high above enjoying the fruits of their labour. Stung with envy and ravaged by self pity, I have cried, screamed in rage and in the terminology of the 21st century, emo-ed about the state I was and am in countless times. However, I have also learnt from my mistakes and realized what I must do next to get back up in the sky where I know I belong. The next ten years are going to come and go twice as fast, as what others who have made that journey all say, and I don't intend on taking a backseat this time around. So with that I say farewell to 2009 and hello to a new start in 2010:)

2010

My mum decided to shift the full length mirror to the corner of my room. I took the opportunity to throw out some of my junk. I got back my rather dismal results this morning and realized that my results this semester just used up my final lifeline. After a brief and frantic calculation... I realized that the situation CAN still be salvaged but it will require serious and hard work for the next 2 and a half years. I love what I am doing but I really dread the predicament I am in. Going on exchange is out of the picture for the rest of my academic career in NUS already. Its that bad. I guess I shouldn't have enjoyed myself TOO much during the academic year. I don't believe in crying over spilled milk so I doubt I am going to sob or bitch and whine over what has been done. I had a good time and I guess this is the price you pay for having a good time in Singapore. Everyone just surges ahead. I was complacent. Terribly complacent. I underestimated the competition in NUS and took things a tinge too easy. But then again lesson learnt. Painful as it is, it was a good lesson. Just as I had underestimated the competition, I overestimated the comfort I thought I'd have and the happiness I thought I'd get in other aspects of my NUS career, be it my sporting pursuits or my hall life. I was looking in all the wrong places. I realized I had my priorities the wrong way around all the time. One should be able to appreciate life BUT not at the cost of the very determinant of that quality of life in time to come. My foray into economics last semester proved to be an extremely costly experiment, with the devastating results impacting even my CAP this semester. Damage Control. That will be the central theme of 2010. Damage Control. Be it Armageddon, Deep Impact, 2012 or even AVATAR... upon the onset of some impending disaster, a hero will come forth and engage in some form of damage control and in so doing save the day in 2.5 hours. I've got about 2.5 years to salvage this mess and its high time that knight in shinning armor within me to save what's left of my tertiary academic career.

Clearance Sale

In preparation for the big move up ahead... I will be clearing tons of clothes, toys and random articles from my room... Garage Sale style haha :)

Celebration

Nothing much to celebrate this year end... BUT what the heck anyway :) Trading in those biking shoes for biking shoes and morning training sessions for late night clubbing escapades!!! Woohoo!!

Solitude

Firstly, many thanks to Terry for introducing that brilliant article to me. It is a rather heavy read but I'll try and figure my way around it soon enough. I am now in week 4 (I think...) of my retreat from the world and I must conclude that it has been rather therapeutic thus far. I have met up with a good number of old friends whom I seem to have lost touch with in the course of my life and it was great reconnecting with them. The weather has kinda ruined much of my training plans but I guess gyms and indoor training programs were developed for that very reason. After my rather public outburst last November, I learnt a great many lessons about myself. I learnt that simply wanting something isn't going to get you anywhere anytime soon. Life, sadly, does involve a bit of work and just because I've had it easy in the past doesn't mean the good things in life will be handed to me on a silver/ gold platter. So with those thoughts and lessons in mind, I have decided that I shall not be caught up in the frivolous rat race. Unfortunately, it was I who fell victim to the very "syndrome" I have been preaching about. I let what others thought of me got the better of me and succumbed to all that negativity that I thought would not affect me. Anyway, the last 4 weeks most certainly gave me more than enough time to think about all that has happened in the last 2 months and the direction my life has been thinking ever since I entered University.

Since my matriculation into NUS, I have been bitching about the living conditions, the people, the work atmosphere etc... I never once looked in the mirror and wondered if the problem laid within me instead. Sure... I might have had a falling out with my team-mates, the single most unmotivated sporting liaison officer I have ever had in my life, the worse administrative staff and the worse possible food in hall... the list goes on but again some of these conflicts/ situations were in some way perpetuated by me. So... I guess with the new year comes new resolutions... let's see if I can hold my course during that long winding journey up ahead :)

On a somewhat lighter and much more trivial note, I strongly discourage anyone from watching Storm Warriors, which I can safely say is the worse show I have watched in years. B- CGI coupled with a rather superficial storyline and ridiculous one liners... it was like watching 6 dollars burn in slow-mo over 2 hours... argh.

The Good Life

Solitude it seems is the best cure whatever it is I am undergoing. Coffee @ Starbucks, Gym @ SSC, Window Shopping in Town, Tea Sessions @ Home... thats how things are rolling as of late. Well let's hope things start looking up with the start of the New Year :)

Service

Another pet peeve of mine is bad service. Terrible, sub-standard service. I purchased my latest bike from a bike shop in the west... let's call that bike shop P1. Now don't get me wrong, the only reason why I actually bought a bike from P1 was because I did warm up to the owner and believed that P1 was the most convenient and best place to purchase the bike. And that I did, despite the saga and politicking which went on behind the scene at my expense between P1, the distributor of the frame of the bike I was looking at and another bike shop, let's call that shop "Galaxy" which was owned by a cunning, rather ambitious man. That however is another story for another blog post.

Anyway, the bike was purchased and I rode the bike for my Zurich race, the last Singapore 70.3 and the 70.3 race in Clearwater. All this time, the bike performed up to expectation, mine anyway. However, the rear derailleur was making weird clicking noises and the gear shifting simply wasn't as smooth as I had hoped it would be. I brought the bike back to P1 and all I was told was that thats how carbon bikes were, all I needed to do was to tweak the gears a bit as I rode to ensure a smooth transition between a higher to lower gear and vice versa. I took their word for it and continued riding.

After returning from my US trip and the end of year examinations, I decided to bring my bike to the shop I used to frequent before I moved to hall, SW, for servicing. There I told them about the problems I encountered whilst cycling and engaging in gear changing and all. They serviced the bike within a day and called to inform me about the cause of the weird noises. Apparently, brake cables, which is different from the other type of sheathing, was used to protect ALL my cables and that resulted in the irregular noises and poor gear engagement.

Aside from the brake cable incident, there were many other instances that left me ticked off too. The ridiculous amount of time they take to service a bike, the technician's dismissive attitude at times and most pissing of them all... the poor servicing. The last servicing I sent my bike to... let's just say I wouldn't exactly consider it a servicing at all. The gears weren't cleaned, the bike wasn't done up to expectation too. Well... Let's just say that'll be the last servicing I ever do at P1.

Its harder than it looks

I must add that it has been a rather satisfying first week :)

Reality Checked: Part 2

Its official. My application to France for a semester has been rejected. The bad news just doesn't stop coming so it seems. So where does this latest piece of news leave me? Well, I have always championed the fact that if you've got the guts to talk the talk, make sure when the time comes to walk the talk... you're willing to take that first step and more. I haven't been focused as of late and I guess my results took a beating as a result of the rather enjoyable time I have had as of late. My nonchalant attitude towards my academic pursuits have finally caught up with me and here I am left all alone in this boring island I call home whilst my peers go off to greener pastures to experience life as it is across borders. So here I am, bearing the consequences of my frivolous lifestyle, bitter and terribly upset at having been denied the opportunity of traveling overseas. Well I must reconcile with the fact that I have had a rather easy life thus far with me getting almost anything I want rather easily... and this without a doubt has quenched that hunger for more and left me too contented and way too complacent with myself and my capabilities. Now that I have re conciliated with harsh reality of my rather sorry state... what next?

Well, it seems that ever since my Clearwater race/trip, its been one reality check after the other for me, all of them harsh reality checks indeed. The truth hurts and I'll probably be thankful for feeling the pinch in time to come but right now... I am just bitter and pissed. I realized too that being nice and popular counts for shit when push comes to shove and ultimately... its the results that matter the most. So as of now, it is with great sadness that I announce that the Singapore education system has now claimed its latest victim... Me. I just buried the old me in the abandoned field beside my grass-run-route. No fanfare, no tears... just a blank face staring emotionlessly into silence and stillness of the night. Its been fun while it lasted I must say... and Thank you... Thank you very much for the memories.

Plan B

Now that its been confirmed that I won't be flying off anytime soon next next semester... where does that leave me... I guess there's always plan B :)

Defying Gravity

Inspirational Songs are hard to find? Try this for Size :) Watched Wicked in London last July and this song... man... Amazing :) Which reminds me... I am going to audition for some random role should this musical EVER make it here :)

PS: Do mute the player on the right before listening to this... make sure u do it before u even start listening!!!!!

Defying Gravity

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba - why couldn't you have stayed calm for
once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you're happy!
I hope you're happy now
I hope you're happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you're clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you're happy
I hope you're happy, too
I hope you're proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can't imagine how
I hope you're happy right now

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you're sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you've worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted:

ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don't want it -
No - I can't want it
Anymore:

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you can't pull me down!

GLINDA
Can't I make you understand?
You're having delusions of grandeur:

ELPHABA
I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
And you can't pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda - come with me. Think of what we could
do: together.

(sung) Unlimited
Together we're unlimited
Together we'll be the greatest team
There's ever been
Glinda -
Dreams, the way we planned 'em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem:

BOTH
There's no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They'll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?

GLINDA
I hope you're happy
Now that you're choosing this

ELPHABA
(spoken) You too
(sung) I hope it brings you bliss

BOTH
I really hope you get it
And you don't live to regret it
I hope you're happy in the end
I hope you're happy, my friend:

ELPHABA So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!

GLINDA
I hope you're happy!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she's wicked!
Get her!

ELPHABA
:Bring me down!

CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we've got to bring her

ELPHABA
Ahhh!

CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!

Random Updates

The number of Mark Zukerberg moments/ ideas in my life is increasing significantly. Even Lemin thinks so.

I now understand why I'll never... ever... move to Jurong... Despite the gorgeous new mall located beside Boon Lay interchange.

Some people make it big... Some don't. Why that happens... is pretty evident to me right now. However that doesn't mean that success is going to come easily either.

The importance of choosing ones battles... wasn't obvious at first but after some chicken rice and a couple of glasses of champagne... its just like missing the North Star on a cloudless night.

Friends... and why one can't do without them.

Principled and Ruthlessness... there is a difference.

Choices

Photo Courtesy of Whelan :)

Two contrasting experiences in two days.

Champagne, Loud Music, Cologne and Flashing Disco Lights all night long marked the first

100 Plus, Deafening Cheers, Sweat and Flashing Camera Lights all through the morning marked the second.

I am so glad it wasn't much of a choice :)

To those that ran the Standard Charted Marathon today, Congrats on a Marathon/Half-Marathon well-done :) Mok, Ashley and Mr Liu... the three of you (plus any others I might have missed out...) are without doubt a force to be reckon with and my hope is that I be strong enough to sustain that discipline and self restraint in time to come :)

Going it alone

I wrote on this empty space once about limits. About the boundaries established in the mind just with regards to how much shit an individual can take be it physically or emotionally. I must admit that I am tittering on the edge of that boundary of mine. I have come to realize the truth about camerade amongst friends and my relationship with my school. Some of it is real, sincere and genuine others... well they might mean well but they just don't get it. I realized last night that I most probably failed to secure my exchange slot to Paris and that event set in motion a whole roller coaster ride of sentiments which saw me unloading on certain individuals last night. I got pissed then fuming mad then just terribly upset with the whole situation as the night went on. Initially what had set out to be a night of unloading and "getting things off my chest" turned into a night of discovery too. I learnt about the varying degree of friendships that I have. There were those who have totally no opinion or backbone whatsoever... those who keep paraphrasing my questions without providing any comfort or useful/ constructive support. There were those who were more concern about the end-state of the dynamics of the team instead of the feelings of the individual... and thankfully there were those who understood that sometimes all I need to hear are just words of support and comfort about the stuff that happened. Ever since my outburst in mid-novemember, I have detached myself pretty much from just about everything around me. Schadenfreude seems evident everywhere I look and I guess its affecting my rather fragile mental state at this juncture in time. Useless sports directors, tactless overly competitive individuals who'd rather remove you as a friend then attempt some form of reconciliation and friends who just don't care are going to be a thing of the past for me. I used to believe in the unconditionality of friendships but alas now I realize just how foolish I was. The lies, deceit and bullshit that surrounds us all... Its time to break out and start walking my own road.

Thursday

Everything has a start and an end. Even MSN conversations... It irks me immensely to have someone start a conversation with me but not end it. Anyway that little peeve aside, I have been enjoying myself tremendously nua-ing around at home. I was supposed to head out last night but this really cool travel & living food documentary got the better of me and I ended up chilling with my parents over great cappuccino reminiscing about our little Europe adventure about 5 months back. I talk a lot to my parents and I guess its because they provide really good insight into the real world out there. Be it abortion issues, gay rights in China, US politics or the future of natural gas in this rapidly globalizing world... we kinda enjoy sitting around sipping coffee and talking about everything and anything under the sun. I have decided that I shan't continue boarding in school anymore for reasons which I shan't disclose here. I am going to start moving my stuff back home and I'll be giving up some of the furniture in hall to those interested in taking over them. I'll be embarking on an extensive room-cleaning session in preparation for the major moving in (from hall) and moving out (to my new place) in time to come. Training thus far seems to be on track and I am pretty satisfied with the gym sessions I have initiated. With that, I am off to clean up my laser before heading off for Tim Sum with my parents :) Woohoo!!

S$2.70 Dinner

S$2.70 can get you a non-stop supply of soft drinks. Take that and add good company... voila! You get one hell of a talk cock session after a good run :)

Freedom

Alright... I haven't been taking this Year End Examinations as seriously as I had intended to at the start of this Semester. The week-long trip across the Pacific didn't help much either but I most definitely had fun. I was supposed to head out for a swim of sorts today but I decided I'll just stay home and update my blog and engage in a bit of retail therapy... Online retail therapy. Under the guidance of guru lim.jj and his associates guru welzl and guru ma, I have come to realize that it is possible to save quite a bit by shopping or at least doing some research online before hitting the stores... So... with the pics still being uploaded on to FB, I shall proceed to work on my Clearwater/Orlando Posts :)