I screwed up big time today. After a light run in the evening to warm up the legs and packing everything for my sprint biathlon the next day, I worked a short while more on my essay before hitting the sack. Alas the one thing I did not do, which was to set the alarm, would change everything as I'd known in just the blink of an eye.
I woke up at 7.10 and upon realizing the horror of what had just happened... rushed to grab my trunks, goggles and car keys before rushing to school. I got there in time to explain myself to the organizing committee and getting myself slotted into the 4th wave.
After a somewhat dismal swim, I headed out on the run course totally unprepared... I didn't manage to warm up and the hustle and bustle from the morning had really screwed up whatever I had left for the race. I had wanted to make up for my really bad performance during this race but I guess I let the race got the better of me and failed to redeem myself in anyway whatsoever.
I don't believe in excuses and I don't believe in not taking responsibilities for ones' actions. I screwed up/ have been screwing up for the longest time ever and it seems as if I am on a one way path down to "god knows where". I am loosing interest in almost everything I do and all I seem to be good at these days is wiping up after spilt milk in record time. I learnt a lot today. It was a humbling experience in every sense of the word. Those disappointed eyes gazing upon me as I arrived back at the pool... the way most just looked and walked pass without uttering a word... it really really hurt... I knew I screwed up big time... and I didn't know what else to say.
We live in a realist world and unless you have something to give back to the society you belong to... you're nothing. I hope things don't get any worse than it is cause... I don't think there's much left in here for me to tear down anymore.
1 comment:
Hey, i think most importantly is that you've identified the area in which you have to work on. Isn't that what life is all about?
Life isn't easy, nobody said it was or would be...However, one thing for sure is that there are friends around you to help you through this journey.
Quoting your post, "We live in a realist world and unless you have something to give back to the society you belong to... you're nothing." I strongly disagree. Who says you have to give back something to the society that you belong in? If it was so, it will be better off if you did not associate yourself with them.
We are in this sport for the passion, to outdo our own limits, targets and know that at the end of the day we're stronger than we think we are.
I do not claim to know what is in the minds of 'the people' who gave you disappointed looks or just walked pass you without acknowledging your existence, but one thing for sure is your team was cheering you on during the race.
Your team did not give up on you even though you gave up on yourself so many times (from Clearwater until now)..Your team was there with you each and every step of the way, be it ups or downs. If there is anything that this team wants you to give back to them at the end of the day, i'll tell you what it is...
It is that you enjoy what you're doing with your team-mates and be a part of a huge huge family. Nothing else matters and winning is only a by-product of our process.
There is always time to remedy a situation, the question is only when will you begin to do so...
Your friend and ex-vice captain,
norms
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